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Avengers Assemble in Bollywood

 

Ever Imagined if Avengers- the movie was made in Bollywood.

Giving it a thought and I present you Avengers Assemble in Bollywood or rightfully their Hindi title ''Angaarey Bane Sholey''

Produced by Yashraj films and directed by Aditya Chopra.

Music by Himesh Reshamiyan and the story by Me.

Avengers Assemble in Bollywood starring

Amitabh Bachchan as Iron-Man

Shah Rukh Khan as Captain America

Sunny Deol as Hulk

Abhisekh Bachchan as Thor

Uday Chopra as Loki

Did not see a need to add Hawk and Black widow for obvious reasons that they are boring.

The story starts with Iron Man who praises his own credentials of being the greatest Super-hero in town. But back then when he wasn't a super-hero. That was the time when his wife Iron-Woman died in a road accident. The accident took place when they were chasing a bunch of aliens who Loki had sent. These aliens traveled in Kawasaki Ninja bikes and always traveled in Ganjis (banyaan) in their bikes at a speed of 250km/hr. Not to forget the nitro boost power their bikes had. So here was Iron-man and his wife chasing the aliens, when suddenly he sees Loki. A super-villain who was physically handicapped. Loki did not have legs. He was still talented enough to ride a Kawasaki Ninja. 

Iron-Man felt bad, raced his car, stuck his head out and told Loki something that won him many hearts. He said, ''dus tareek ko pass ke gav mein jake do boond zindagi ka laga dena.'' (please get yourself 2 drops of Polio from the closest village on the 10th of this month.)

Loki did not see that coming from the Iron-Man. But Iron-man also did not see the truck which was coming his way. The truck crashed straight into his car, leaving the Iron-Woman, played by Jaya Bachchan, left to die in the highway.

Jaya refuses to die. But she has to. (The sad music plays in the background) She refuses to die. She wants her presence felt for a few more minutes. She drags her death. The Iron-Man says, ''Rashes ya scratch hota toh Boro-plus cream laga sakte the, magar yeh toh bahut gehri choth hai.'' She still refuses to die. After a while, he takes a stone out and bangs on her head. (The sad music continuous).

Loki then removes his legs out of his pants, laughs out loud at the Iron-Man and rides away to his planet.

Iron-Man could not believe his eyes. He dipped his finger in her blood and rubbed it against his forehead. He cried and then promised to himself to take revenge from LOKI- the god of flop movies.

Meanwhile somewhere in Chandigarh, bunch of hot girls in their shorts were practicing Hockey. The team wasn't doing well. They lost pretty much every match that they played. They needed a coach. A coach who was a loser. A coach who was a Captain of a losing world cup team. A coach who was bitched and booed by the critics. Who else would be perfect for this job than the guy who coached his staff to make a movie like Ra.One.

The Indian Women's Hockey Federation hired the Captain of the losing American hockey team. Captain America. (Had to fit the name somewhere right?)

Captain America never had super powers; but he could charm any lady by doing the same old thing again and again. He approached the Women Hockey team and in a very lame tone said, '' Captain America. Naam toh suna hi hoga.'' The girls are excited to be trained by this Captain. He guides them to victory in every match. It is now the finals of Women's Hockey World Cup Finals. 

Captain knows he has to motivate his girls. He says, ''70 minute, 70 minute hai tumhare pass. Yeh 70 minute tum se Khuda bhi nahin cheen sakta hai. Aaj main tumhe nahin bataunga ki filmein kaise banate hai, aaj tum muhje bataoge ki meri next picture London Ishq ke last 70 Minutes mein kya karu mein ki picture hit hojaye. Aaj agar tum jeetgaye toh tumhe mein party dunga. Par agar tum har gaye, toh agle 70 saal tak tum logo ke mein roz Ra.One dikhaunga.

That was more than enough to motivate the girls to win the Hockey World Cup finals. Captain America won the battle. This got Iron Man's focus and a plan to team up with the Captain and defeat Loki.

The Iron-Man knew if he had to defeat Loki, he could not do it alone. Loki was not powerful, but he was from another world. Who knows how many people he had in his army.

Iron-Man set a meeting with Captain America. They decided to meet in the local bar. The bar had a fight club that evening. The evening was intense. A man called Jwala was beating the hell out of everyone. He was so powerful, he could beat the Iron-Man and Captain America at one go. He tore apart almost everything that came in his way. He threw chairs, tables, fans and people all around the bar. And then he said something that pissed of a man who was seeing the action quitely. Jwala said, '' Koi nahin hai aisa jo aaj ke TAREEK (date) mein muhje hara sake.'' Listening to the word 'Tareek'' stood the man. He said, '' Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Tareek pe tareek. Tareek pe tareek, aakir kab aayegi teri tareek.'' The man popularly called the Hulk, stood up tall, ripped apart a hand pump, ran towards Jwala and smashed it on his head. Jwala fell down. He lost against Hulk. Hulk was the new Hero of the town. Looking at Jwala he said, '' Yeh dhai kilo ka haath jab kisi pe uthta hai, aadmi uthta nahin uth jata hai.''

The Iron-Man and Captain America were stunned to see the Hulk. They quickly pulled him off and offered him a chair. The offered him a role in their next movies if they joined forces with them to defeat Loki.

But to defeat Loki, it was necessary to go to the other world. These 3 super-heroes had no IDEA what to do. That's when it struck Iron-Man to call the god of Heavenly apps THOR. Thor has been in the heaven for quite sometime now, taking care of his after life. He has been taking care of people and their needs in Heaven. That is why he is considered as a GOD there.

So Iron-Man, Captain America and the Hulk tried to contact Thor. All they had to do was flash their 3G phone towards the sky and the god would appear. And that's what they did. Within a flash of light, Thor the God of heavenly apps appeared in front of them. Captain America said, ''Thor, we need your help to defeat your friend-cum-foe Loki''. For which Thor replied, ''Taking my help for killing Loki, old idea. Idea 3G phone will heavenly apps, new idea.'' And without wasting more time he takes them to the heaven. They call out for Loki using their Idea 3G phone which has amazing network only in the heaven. 

Loki answered their call and accepted their challenge. The war began. Loki warned the Avengers to surrender. Loki said, ''We have an army of flop actors''. Iron-Man replied, '' We have the Hulk.''

That pissed Loki off. His army had Rahul Roy, Kumar Gaurav, Adhyayan Suman, Mussambil Abraham and the famous Mimmo. That my friend is the most destructive army. Iron-Man, Captain America and Hulk freaked out. Meanwhile, Thor removes his 3G phone and says, ''Attacking with guns and weapons old idea. New Idea 3G with deadly weapon apps, new idea.'' He fires missiles called Drona and Refugee at the army. The only way to kill these people was to give them a taste of their own medicine. Iron-Man fires a Nishadab missile followed by a Buddhah Hoga Tera Baap missile. Captain America fires Dulha Mil Gaya. Loki still powerful fires Niel and Nikki, Pyaar Impossible and Mere Yaar ki Shaadi hai missiles. Loki said, '' you still have time to surrender. Just say, ''Loki zindabaad.'' The super-heroes fearing Loki repeated, ''Loki zindabaad''. Loki then said ab kaho, ''Rajnikant murdabaad''. With everyone injured it was time Hulk finished everything. Hulk said, ''aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. Rajnikant zindabbad the, zindabaad hai aur zindabaad rahenge''. He approached Loki and the army and fired the ROK SAKO TOH ROKLO missile and destroyed everyone.

So the Superheros survive and the planet is saved again. It wont be wrong to say the planet is safe again thanks to Rajnikant.

Bizarre imagination can be freely abused or praised @upsidedakshin/twitter.com or https://www.facebook.com/dash.in.dakshin . Please give your feedback it will surely help me write better.

Types of Bananas

Here I’m with my second blog called the ‘Type of Bananas’. Bananas are in reference to a kind of species called men. The following content is my opinion and purely based on observations.

I’m sorry if this blog is used as a reference point by any lady for their men. This can also be a reference point for man to tell the world that all men are not the same.

Coming back to the blog, we the 1^st kind of bananas are called the Green Banana.

The green bananas are the ones who you would want to wait for till it’s the right time to enjoy them. Why I refer to wait for the right time is because, these kinds are bitter to taste and you can’t predict when they would mature. The characteristics of them are immature, close minded and insecure. These are the ones you would not want to pick up from the market, but still end up picking them up. They appear as very caring, nice, simple and you will want to spend the future with these people till the time you realise they haven’t matured yet and that your life has become bitter after getting a taste of them.

Before getting into a relationship:

They decide the kind of relationship they want with you based on questions like “How many relationships you had? Or Are you a Virgin?” Though men tend to ask this question at one point of time to their partners, but these kinds would not want to date you once you say you are not a virgin.

After getting into a relationship:

Just in case you end up dating this kind, it would be difficult to find you in Facebook every day, your social networking passwords have to be submitted as a safety deposit to them. The number of meeting you have with any men, no matter brother, best friends or any client, the number is always recorded and used as a comparison pie chart when you fight with him over flirting with other girls. Normally, these bananas are dumped, or ending making up stories about their partners so that the whole world thinks his partner was wrong.

Suggestion to deal with them: MOVE ON, because they won’t change or simply deal with them, change for them, compromise your life and stay bitterly happy with them ever after.

The second kind of bananas are called the Black Banana

These bananas are too sweet who either get dumped due to too much of sweetness or their site starts getting disgusting after a point. The green bananas who realise their mistakes generally end up being a black banana. They change themselves to work a relationship, be sweet and would do anything to work a relationship. These are the ones you don’t find many in the market. After a point of time, they are tagged as annoying and their partners demand for their space.

Before getting into a relationship:

They would appear as people who would look for an emotional support by talking their heart out about their past relationships, especially when they are dumped. The easiest way to get to girl is gain her sympathy and make her realise that a sweet kinds like these also can be dumped.  

After getting into a relationship:

These kinds could possibly be one of the best partners who one can have because they may adjust or listen to you till the time they don’t catch you cheating. They would ask for your phones once in a while to just keep a check. They would also like to spend a lot of time with their partners, know about all their friends and also want to go everywhere where their partners go.

Suggestion to deal with them:  Make them understand. They will surely take time but will understand your space.  You really don’t want to miss these kinds after spending good days with them.

The 3^rd kind of bananas are called the Ripe Bananas

 These are the kinds who every girl encounters or wish to encounter. They are ripe, bright and the most preferred in the market. Everyone wants a bite of them. Characteristics of these kinds are flirty, smart and love to have a conversation with anyone. They are caring for obvious reasons to grab your attention. They are friendly with everyone.

They can’t be differentiated between before relationship and after relationship, because they don’t believe in relationships. These kinds love dinners, lunches and coffees. They believe in work hard, earn good and spent it all for their good. They don’t care who their partners meet, greet, message or love. They are very selfish when it comes to satisfying their own needs and don’t think about anyone till there is a benefit attached. They believe in practicality and are emotionally insensitive. Generally these kinds are born from a realisation from the black banana phase or have too many partners and prefer not getting attached to one.

Suggestion to deal with them:  Be with them only if you want to have fun without a commitment. Don’t regret and never let them know about it because that is the last time you will ever hear from them. Not the right kinds for spending future with, unless they decide to change for you.

You will find a lot of bananas in the market. One or the other day they will end up in any of these 3 main kinds.

With this I come to the end of my blog. Please leave your opinions and valuable feedbacks.